ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
