i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
