I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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