I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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