i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
