You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
whose parrot is this?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize