I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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