Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
