Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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