My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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