Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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