new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
