My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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