the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
