the condom got lost in my hair
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
