Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
