And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
