Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
