He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
