I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
