Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
