She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
