we have officially lost it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
