Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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