dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
