I must be too annoying 4 u.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
