Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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