i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
