I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
