this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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