I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
