Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
