We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
