Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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