i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize