I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
