Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
