my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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