R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
