he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
