He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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