i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
