this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
