dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
