Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
