I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
