I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
