I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
