you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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