Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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