Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
