I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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