Whod you bang
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize