dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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