Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
