Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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