he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
