I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize