So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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