the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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