Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
