Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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