I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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