So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
