I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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